HomeRoast Digest


Topic: Make Us Laugh Tradition (44 msgs / 1291 lines)
1) From: Don Harris
I have come up with a Tradition. The winner will receive a Sweet
Maria's Gift Certificate valued at $60. The winner will be selected by
the un-scientific chuckle factor on New Years Eve. If you are
interested, please respond to this email by submitting a joke or funny
story. I will contact the winner by email Jan 1st, 2007. Keep the
jokes and stories "clean" although hurt feelings are perfectly
acceptable. I know it is more work for you than a name in a hat  but I
thought it would give a giggle to the group.
Don
(If this is in some way against list rules please let me know. I don't
want to be the one responsible for turning this list into a joke)

2) From: Don Harris
Ohh, I forgot to mention, you may reply to this email as many times as
you would like. Also, the judges on New Years Eve will probably have
had a "beverage" or two so even if you think your story/joke is not
"that" funny please send it - you never know what will set a room full
of drunks off.
On 12/14/06, Don Harris  wrote:
<Snip>

3) From: Marc
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay
containing these four elements:
   - - religion
   - - royalty
   - - sex
   - - mystery
The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I
wonder who did it?"
-Marc
On 12/14/06, Don Harris  wrote:
<Snip>

4) From: Lisa J. Carton, LICSW
A duck walks into a pet store and waddles up to the counter.  The clerk
a=
sks, "Can I help you?" and the duck answers, "Quack - got any duck food?"=
The clerk sneers at him and says "We don't carry duck food here, now mov=
e
along."  The duck waddles out the door.
The next day, the same duck w=
alks into the same pet store while the same
clerk is working.  He says "Q=
uack, got any duck food?"  The clerk looks at
him and says "Didn't you he=
ar what I said yesterday?  We don't carry duck
food, now get out of here.=
"  The duck waddles out the door.
The next day, the SAME duck walks into =
the SAME pet store while the SAME
clerk is working.  He says "Quack, got =
any duck food?"  The clerk turns red
in the face and shouts "I'VE NOW TOL=
D YOU THREE TIMES WE DON'T CARRY DUCK
FOOD.  IF YOU COME IN HERE AND ASK =
ME AGAIN, I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR FEET TO
THE FLOOR!!!!!"  The duck waddle=
s out the door.
The next day, the SAME DUCK walks into the SAME PET STORE=
 while the SAME
CLERK is working.  He says "Quack, got any nails?"  The c=
lerk turns white
and starts to seethe with anger and says "This is NOT a =
hardware store - we
DO NOT HAVE ANY NAILS!!!"  The duck looks at him and =
says "Quack, got any
duck food?"=
Have a burning q=
uestion?  
Go to www.Answers.yahoo.com and get answers from real people w=
ho know.

5) From: Lynne
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More than anything, little Johnny wanted a bike. He sat on the corner 
of his bed, and began to write on a pad of paper:
"Dear Dad;
	If you get me a bike, I'll take out the trash, walk the dog - I'll 
even take watch my little sister..."
No, this wasn't good enough. He stopped for a moment, tore out the 
paper, crumbled it up & tossed it in the trash.
He began another letter ...
"Dear Mom;
	If you get me a bike, I'll wash the dishes, clean my room, do the 
wash..."
This wasn't right either - he crumpled up this note, also, and tossed 
it in the trash.
Suddenly, his eyes fell on the beautiful statue of the Blessed Mother 
sitting on his dresser. Her loving eyes stared into his, this ceramic 
rendition of kindness and love and sacrifice.
YES!
He walked over to the statue, wrapped it up in tissues, and put it in 
his top drawer.
He began his letter:
"Dear Jesus,
	If you EVER want to see your mother again...."
Little Johnny grew up to be a successful attorney.
Lynne
On Dec 14, 2006, at 7:02 AM, Don Harris wrote:
<Snip>
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More than anything, little Johnny wanted a bike. He sat on the corner
of his bed, and began to write on a pad of paper:
"Dear Dad;
	If you get me a bike, I'll take out the trash, walk the dog - I'll
even take watch my little sister..."
No, this wasn't good enough. He stopped for a moment, tore out the
paper, crumbled it up & tossed it in the trash.
He began another letter ...
"Dear Mom;
	If you get me a bike, I'll wash the dishes, clean my room, do the
wash..."
This wasn't right either - he crumpled up this note, also, and tossed
it in the trash. 
Suddenly, his eyes fell on the beautiful statue of the Blessed Mother
sitting on his dresser. Her loving eyes stared into his, this ceramic
rendition of kindness and love and sacrifice.
YES!
He walked over to the statue, wrapped it up in tissues, and put it in
his top drawer. 
He began his letter:
"Dear Jesus,
	If you EVER want to see your mother again...."
Little Johnny grew up to be a successful attorney.
Lynne
On Dec 14, 2006, at 7:02 AM, Don Harris wrote:
I have come up with a Tradition. The winner will receive a
Sweet
Maria's Gift Certificate valued at $60. The winner will be selected by
the un-scientific chuckle factor on New Years Eve. If you are
interested, please respond to this email by submitting a joke or funny
story. I will contact the winner by email Jan 1st, 2007. Keep the
jokes and stories "clean" although hurt feelings are perfectly
acceptable. I know it is more work for you than a name in a hat  but I
thought it would give a giggle to the group.
Don
(If this is in some way against list rules please let me know. I don't
want to be the one responsible for turning this list into a joke)

6) From: Wesley Simon
Could stuff like this PLEASE contain "OT" in the subject line?
On 12/14/06, Lynne  wrote:
<Snip>

7) From: Linda Ferguson
Kentucky:
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathemati cal he lp .
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University
of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%,
how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my
earrings."
You gotta' love those Kentucky women.
********************************************************
Alabama :
A group of Alabama< /SPAN> friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos
for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under
the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked..
" Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the
trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
" A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal
Henry!"
**********************************************************************
Louisiana:
A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world
comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When aske d why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything
happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
****************************************************************
Mississippi:
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his
buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
********************************************* ****** *************
Tennessee:
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked,
"Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
*****************************************************************
And My Favorite:
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,
and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned
around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowe rs?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the
front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."
Linda in Lakeside, Oregon
mailto:dasofergiehttp://www.wowearnings.com/?r=leebradeRoasting in Cast Iron Skillet
Stitchin on a Treadle

8) From: Aaron
The definition of Political Correctness....  
		 
		A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal
minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media,
which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick
up a turd by the clean end.

9) From: Vicki Smith
After reading Aaron's post, I had to send this along:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes 
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, 
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice 
holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious 
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with 
respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of 
others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions 
at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and 
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally 
accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the 
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society 
have helped make Canada great, (not to imply that Canada is necessarily 
greater than any other country or is the only "CANADA" in the western 
hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical 
ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual 
preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting 
is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable 
with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by 
the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or 
others, and is void where prohibited by law. It is also revocable at the 
sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual 
application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the 
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and 
warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new 
wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
The wishee further agrees to hold harmless and indemnify the wisher, 
along with its heirs, assigns, officers, directors, shareholders...
Aaron wrote:
<Snip>

10) From: Vicki Smith
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swfIt's flash; it's Italian; and the message is universal.
vicki

11) From: jim gundlach
Arron,
    Hate is not humor.  Take this kind of stuff somewhere else.
      Pecan Jim
On Dec 19, 2006, at 2:19 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>

12) From: Scot Murphy
On Dec 19, 2006, at 2:19 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>
Come on. We've managed to keep this a good, fun thread without  
resorting to political partisanship yet. Do you have to ruin it?
Scot "ask Mary Cheney about right-wing PC-ness" Murphy
---
"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
                           --Kilgore Trout

13) From: jim gundlach
Vicki,
      I don't understand why you folks have to be hateful and  
hurtful.  Especially in the season calls for love and peace.
          Pecan Jim
On Dec 19, 2006, at 2:29 PM, Vicki Smith wrote:
<Snip>

14) From: Lynne
VERY funny!!!
Lynne
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:34 PM, Vicki Smith wrote:
<Snip>

15) From: raymanowen
Almost 300 words for a legal "Take it or leave it!"
Cheers -RayO, aka Opa!
-- 
"When the theme hits the bass, I dance the Jig!" - -Virgil Fox at the Mighty
Wichita (ex- NYC Paramount) WurliTzer- 1976

16) From: Sandy Andina
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Merry Happy Christfestihanusolstikwanzeidwali!!!
On Dec 19, 2006, at 2:41 PM, raymanowen wrote:
<Snip>
Sandy
www.sandyandina.com
www.sass-music.com
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Merry Happy =
Christfestihanusolstikwanzeidwali!!!
On Dec 19, 2006, at =
2:41 PM, raymanowen =
wrote:
Almost 300 words for a legal "Take it or leave = it!" Cheers -RayO, aka Opa! -- "When the theme hits the = bass, I dance the Jig!" - -Virgil Fox at the Mighty Wichita (ex- NYC = Paramount) WurliTzer- 1976 Sandywww.sass-music.com
= = --Apple-Mail-286--724592284--

17) From: Aaron
Hate is defined by the receiver.  I see it as humor you it seems it as 
hate.   Wow guess I touched a nerve in an UN pc way.  Seems a bit of 
hatred is flowing my way right now which would bring another word to 
mind.  Hyprocracy.
So in your eyes it's political.  why is that?  Because the word liberal 
was included in there?  That's the only word that seems remotely 
politically aligned, sinse mainstream media technically is not 
politically aligned.
It's actually quite funny your response, because running with 
that....when the word liberal is  looked up on dictionary.com  shows as 
entry 5 for the word liberal being defined as this.
5.favoring or permitting freedom of action, esp. with respect to matters 
of personal belief or expression: a liberal policy toward dissident 
artists and writers.
so I guess Ill digress and stick with  hyprocacy.  Cheers :)

18) From: Scot Murphy
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:03 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>
Please don't condescend. Don't take us for idiots. And don't be  
disingenuous. You didn't just use "the word liberal." You said,  
"delusional, illogical liberal minority." That's the language of the  
right-wing hate machine, that is, the Limbaughs and Hannitys and  
O'Reillys of the world. So don't pretend you meant something  
innocuous when you obviously were taking a stab at people whose  
politics oppose yours.
Just realize: this was a fun, harmless thread until you interjected  
politics.
Scot "we need a backporch for stuff like this" Murphy
---
"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
                           --Kilgore Trout

19) From: Sandy Andina
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I am a proudly bleeding-heart liberal and was not offended.
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:03 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>
Sandy
www.sandyandina.com
www.sass-music.com
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I am a proudly bleeding-heart =
liberal and was not offended.
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:03 PM, =
Aaron wrote:
Hate is defined by the = receiver.  I see it as = humor you it seems it as hate.   = Wow guess I touched a nerve in an UN pc way.  Seems a bit of hatred is = flowing my way right now which would bring another word to mind.  Hyprocracy. So in = your eyes it's political.  = why is that?  = Because the word liberal was included in there?  That's the only word that = seems remotely politically aligned, sinse mainstream media technically = is not politically aligned. It's actually quite funny your = response, because running with that....when the word liberal is  looked up on = dictionary.com  shows as = entry 5 for the word liberal being defined as this. so I guess Ill digress and stick = with  hyprocacy.  Cheers :)homeroast mailing listhttp://li=sts.sweetmarias.com/mailman/listinfo/homeroastTo change your personal list settings (digest = options, vacations, unsvbscribes) go to http://=sweetmarias.com/maillistinfo.html#personalsettings = Sandywww.sass-music.com
= = --Apple-Mail-287--722929098--

20) From: Aaron
so by your words scott... all liberals are delusional, illogical and 
minorities?  I don't think so.
Just as much as every 'conservative' is not a Limbaugh, Hannity and 
Oreilly .. which seems to be your choice of 'words' to describe those 
which you disagree with.(yet amazingly enough you dont stop for a second 
to spew your hatred in the name of peace)   BTW who do the liberals have 
as their talking heads that are not the actual politicians, I can't 
honestly think of any off hand.
Contrary to popular opinion,  not every liberal is an idiot, crackpot or 
insane,  nor is every conservative a rightwing menace looking to lock 
away every liberal in existance....  and get this.... not everyone fits 
into one or the other category... amazing aint it?
Did it ever occur to you that both sides, have their fringes and 
crackpots... and these crackpots are the MINORITY of the overall view of 
that side?  you did notice the word minority in there, or did that 
conjure up other types of minorities in your mind? 
If you wish to incluse yourself into this group for the sake of this 
correspondence then be my guest, but personally Id not bother getting 
worked up in such a tizzy over it...
Now for the sake of the list, as some are complaining about it, Id 
recommend we follow your advise and take this off list for any further 
comments complaints etc etc.
in other words, Ill shut up.. but  get over it.
wow I guess I ruined christmas... Tsk Tsk... I guess Im gonna get coal 
in my stocking.... maybe some of the more retentive types can put it in 
their orifice and squeeze it into a diamond for me.
Aaron
P.S.  Hey brett.  I want some pumpkin pie in that food fight... with a 
good yellow burbon roasted to C+  or perhaps a fine Kona rested a good 
week... Hmmmm

21) From: Vicki Smith
I gotta tell you, I am a card carrying member of the NDP (AKA "those 
pinkos"), so if you took my post as anything but a joke, totally in 
keeping with the spirit of the thread, you just might need a bit more 
eggnog.
It certainly was not my wish to offend anyone.
vicki
jim gundlach wrote:
<Snip>

22) From: Scot Murphy
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:13 PM, Sandy Andina wrote:
<Snip>
Humor directed at PC-ness doesn't offend me because I don't like PC- 
ness. What bothers me is the intent behind it, which was evident in  
the "delusional, illogical liberal minority" crack.
And anyone who doesn't think there is such a thing as right-wing PC  
should ask Jim Jeffords (or Lincoln Chaffee) what happens when you  
disagree with it.
Scot "maybe this thread should be put to bed" Murphy
---
"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
                           --Kilgore Trout

23) From: Scot Murphy
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:26 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>
Like I said, don't be disingenuous. Don't pretend you didn't say  
something provocative, because you did. That's far more offensive  
than any anti-lefty comment you could make.
Yes, I think it is best this part of the discussion ends now.
Scot "vicki, on the other hand, didn't annoy me" Murphy
---
"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
                           --Kilgore Trout

24) From: Brett Mason
Hmmm... OK, what's a family gathering without a foodfight?
I do think that Rush Limbaugh is a little too liberal - I guess he is
with his meds...
Santa Claus fielding death threats is pretty scary too...
But all in fun, I think that Aaron may have missed some folks in his
broad swipe, and for those who might have felt left out, I am sure he
didn't mean it.
I will say that I know many of you offlist as well, and you are each
truly treasured in my coffee circle.  Don't change (well, Aaron, we
might use the word "accident" to be a little more sensitive)
Duck, here comes the pumpkin pie!
Did anyone receive coffee in the Christmas Cheer roast exchange - and
if so, any comments?  I will say that I received some Ethiopian
Oromia, roasted FC, and made some incredible cups today.  In fact, Mr.
Zass and Mr. French Press are creating another two cup afternoon
delight.  THANKS to Vicki - and I received a CANADA hat to go with it!
Glad you're all in the family!
Brett
On 12/19/06, Vicki Smith  wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Cheers,
Bretthttp://homeroast.freeservers.com

25) From: Aaron
But the Irony of this entire thing..
The joke was about being Politically correct.
and
The big fight is starting over the Politics of the politically correct 
joke.
 
This is truly priceless.  You can't buy entertainment like this.

26) From: Kris McN
Honestly, the worst thing about Aaron's post was that it wasn't funny.  It
was an offense to COMEDY.
Kris

27) From: Don Harris
On 12/19/06, Aaron  wrote:
<Snip>
Yes you can   ;- )

28) From: Aaron
Brett... now I take offense to that.
It is a well known fact that momma did drop me a few times when I was 
young, but WHY would you go and insinuate that it as an accident?
Since you seem to have all the answers I ask this question... if I get 
hungry... can I gnaw on the pork chop she tied around my neck to get the 
dog to play with me?
So does this mean you don't want me to send you that Rush autographed 
calendar for christmas?  Oh well, guess Ill have to go and find a boortz 
calendar somewhere for ya if I didnt use it for the bottom of the lizard 
cage... sigh... you really are a pain sometimes...  I think you need to 
send me a pound or two of coffee for the privelage of talking to me :)
Aaron

29) From: Eddie Dove
Sandy ... hilarious!
Eddie
On 12/19/06, Sandy Andina  wrote:
<Snip>

30) From: Sandy Andina
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Now, why would he want Geddy Lee's or Neil Peart's  
autographs............oops, wrong "Rush."
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:59 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>
Sandy
www.sandyandina.com
www.sass-music.com
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Now, why would he want Geddy =
Lee's or Neil Peart's autographs............oops, wrong =
"Rush."
On Dec 19, 2006, at 3:59 PM, Aaron wrote:

So does this mean you don't = want me to send you that Rush autographed calendar for = christmas?

Sandywww.sass-music.com
= = --Apple-Mail-294--710892826--

31) From: Brett Mason
Hi Aaron,
Please send me your address offlist!
The pork chop worked better than the PB&J we used at Yellowstone with
the bears...
Brett
On 12/19/06, Aaron  wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Cheers,
Bretthttp://homeroast.freeservers.com

32) From: Michael Wascher
No, for bears you use bacon. Strips of it over the top of the scout-leader's
tent is, I've been told by several folks, a Pacific NW scouting tradition.
--MikeW
On 12/19/06, Brett Mason  wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
"Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play,
you can't win." --Robert Heinlein

33) From: TERRY TITSWORTH
We did the same thing to my little brother. The best part was when I got to
feed him. I became really good with a sling shot using raisins, carrots and
olives but never got the hang of mashed potatoes and gravy. But then what
other purpose was there for a waterhose than cleaning up little brother
after dinner.
Gee, those were great times.
On 12/19/06, Aaron  wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Start HOT and work your way Down...
Peppers AND Coffee.
[|:{O....[|:{U...

34) From: Brett Mason
How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree
(Another "JUST SO" story)
There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves
in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now
there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might
join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in
a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was
very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the
oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no
snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and
Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat.
Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that
they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would
be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop.
There was nothing going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were
about three weeks behind in their work, and it didn't look that all
the toys would be ready by Christmas Eve. Santa's foul mood was
exacerbated by a bad case of hemorrhoids, and he wasn't too happy
about the possibility of having to ride so far on Christmas Eve.
Seeing the terrible state of affairs at the North Pole chez Santa, the
angels took up an offering to buy a gift for the unhappy workers and
the Clauses - something that would brighten their Christmas. They
chose a Christmas tree, and they sent it down by an angel.
The angel burst into the workshop room and asked,
"HEY, WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT THIS TREE?"
-- 
Cheers,
Bretthttp://homeroast.freeservers.com

35) From: Aaron
Brett no you dont get my mail offlist.... i was joking you do not owe me 
one single bean for listening to me..... preciate the offer though.
if you want to tithe, find someone who is in more need than me.... 
(doped up on pain meds so dont really need much lately).. and send to 
them....
St. Beanyface would rather you please and convert a new member than 
pacify an existing member.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanakuah, .. whatever whomever reads this's 
religion/faith / belief is...  the christians are celebrating the birth 
of their god....  If you belive join in.. if you don't ... then ride the 
aura of joy, happiness, and well being they are projecting to everyone 
alive. But..... on that.... I am not jewish so dont mean to offend but 
from what I seen I gather they are  celebrating this time of year as 
well..celebrate with the christains,catholics, etc etc... or the jewish 
community... it don't matter,... just celebrate.... bottom line, it 
don't matter WHAT god you believe in or even IF you believe in a god or 
supreme being...what matters is  THAT you believe in something and are 
willing to share good wishes with others, even if some people  pray to 
someone else besides who you do.  For the athiests and agnostics out 
there  you are invited too... again, if you wish well upon others and 
are willing to share good faith, then you are welcome to celebrate... on 
this I am not going to judge, after all, WTF do I know...??  cheers.
Bottom line, we get a day off work... quit yer bitchin and enjoy it 
already!!!
Aaron
Ps.. if this offended anyone. well... bite me.

36) From: Eddie Dove
Aaron,
I read this to my wife, and right after I read the PS, she insisted that I
wrote it!  Well done!
Don't know what the pain meds are for, but I hope the necessity is short
lived.  I just got done with mine about two weeks ago.
Happy Holidays to you!
Eddie
On 12/22/06, Aaron  wrote:
<Snip>

37) From: Sandy Andina
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We are indeed.  Tonight is the last night of Hanukkah (and the last  
time I get to cheat on my low-carb diet with potato latkes till next  
year).  You are celebrating the birth of your Lord; we are  
celebrating that His people survived so that we may exist today.  
(Somehow, I can't imagine Jesus coming from an idol-worshipping  
Assyrian family a la Antiochus, whose butt the Maccabees kicked).
By the way, except for the High Holy Days and the Fast of Av, the  
general theme of Jewish holidays is: They tried to kill us. We won.  
Let's eat.
On Dec 22, 2006, at 8:21 PM, Aaron wrote:
<Snip>
Sandy
www.sandyandina.com
www.sass-music.com
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We are indeed.  Tonight is the =
last night of Hanukkah (and the last time I get to cheat on my low-carb =
diet with potato latkes till next year).  You are celebrating the =
birth of your Lord; we are celebrating that His people survived so that =
we may exist today. (Somehow, I can't imagine Jesus coming from an =
idol-worshipping Assyrian family a la Antiochus, whose butt the =
Maccabees kicked).
By= the way, except for the High Holy Days and the Fast of Av, the general = theme of Jewish holidays is: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's = eat. On Dec 22, 2006, at 8:21 PM, Aaron wrote:

I am not jewish so dont mean = to offend but from what I seen I gather they are  celebrating this time of year = as well

Sandywww.sass-music.com
= = --Apple-Mail-12--444482243--

38) From: Michael Dhabolt
Sandy,
<Snip>
Let's eat.<
Exceptionally well put.
Mike (just plain)

39) From: Heat + Beans --all the rest is commentary
Here's a funny one.
The definition of Beer Bong:
*Funneling*, is a term for the act of using a large funnel, or *beer bong*,
to rapidly consume a large amount of beer, or similar alcoholic beverage, as
a sort of drinking game. The inherent challenge is to swallow the rapid flow
of beer without spilling it. It is a popular pastime on college and
university campuses and among young people all over the world.
Evidently it's a varient of
A *bong*, also commonly known as a *water pipe*, a device used to smoke
substances, typically tobacco or cannabis.
These, from Wikipedia.  Lots more ha-ha's there if you'd like to read.
I'm with Pecan Jim on this one.
Aaron 

40) From: Brett Mason
So, a beer-bong is for consuming a beverage of some sort?  That was
good, a small chuckle at least.  Is there also a coffee-bong?
On 12/23/06, Heat + Beans --all the rest is commentary
 wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Cheers,
Bretthttp://homeroast.freeservers.com

41) From: Tom Ulmer
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
That seems as good a reason to party as the light overtaking the dark. Yule
tidings.  
From: homeroast-admin
[mailto:homeroast-admin] On Behalf Of Sandy Andina
Sent: Friday, December 22, 2006 9:35 PM
To: homeroast
Subject: Re: +Re: Make us laugh tradition
We are indeed. Tonight is the last night of Hanukkah (and the last time I
get to cheat on my low-carb diet with potato latkes till next year). You are
celebrating the birth of your Lord; we are celebrating that His people
survived so that we may exist today. (Somehow, I can't imagine Jesus coming
from an idol-worshipping Assyrian family a la Antiochus, whose butt the
Maccabees kicked).
By the way, except for the High Holy Days and the Fast of Av, the general
theme of Jewish holidays is: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.
On Dec 22, 2006, at 8:21 PM, Aaron wrote:
I am not jewish so dont mean to offend but from what I seen I gather they
are celebrating this time of year as well
Sandy
www.sandyandina.com
www.sass-music.com

42) From: Lynne
Whereas the theme of the holy Christian holiday, Christmas (the 
traditional timing of which changes yearly, this year having begun 
sometime before Halloween has ended) is: 'The King of Love and Peace 
and Forgiveness has died for our sins. Now give me that Playstation II 
or I'll shoot you.'
Lynne
On Dec 22, 2006, at 9:34 PM, Sandy Andina wrote:
<Snip>

43) From: raymanowen
Drat.
I thought all the Thesauri went out with Fahrenheit 451. These words all
have Bootstrap definitions.
That's disheartening. I was going to print some Liberal cards. 12 up on
heavy polished stock and trade one for whatever espresso is current at
Peet's.
Cheers -RayO, aka Opa!
"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of
thought."
 John F. Kennedy

44) From: Barry Luterman
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
Sandy or anyone who might be interested if you want to know the true =
story of Hanukah contact me off list.


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