HomeRoast Digest

Topic: OT:Re: +Make Us Laugh Tradition - true story (21 msgs / 439 lines)
1) From: Alchemist John
At 22:15 12/14/2006, you wrote:
Well, I was too, until I realized I had a TRUE story.  It is the 
story of the ABC brand of coffee, RR degree of roast,  I made for an 
acquaintance (I hesitate to say friend as you will see why).  This 
guy was a real coffee snob wantabe, but never really was.  He would 
drink anything.  Well, almost anything.  He never liked my 
homeroast.  It was too strong and not roasted enough he said.  His 
favorite was Starbucks and Peets, Italian roast.  That kind of 
thing.  And usually brewed VERY weak.
After one day of seeing what he was drinking, I had a thought.  I 
knew I could make something he could drink.  I saved the grounds from 
my coffee for a week, carefully drying them every day in the oven so 
they would not mold.  At the end of 10 days, I had about a pound of 
coffee.  I spread it out thin and baked it about 10-15 minutes at 
450, just so it started to darken and smoke again.  I then ground it 
up in my whirly blade to "freshen" it, bagged it up and made a nice 
label for it.  Among other things, it had the follow:
Roast level: RR
This coffee was specially prepared over 10 days with our proprietary 
blend of coffee and roasting procedures to bring out the smooth rich 
taste of the beans.  It will never be bitter or overpowering.  So 
smooth you can drink cup after cup.
I gave it to him in a nice foil package.  All very professional.  He 
opening it right up, inhaled, saw the charred black grounds and just 
smiled.  Said it smelled great and roasty, not at all like what I 
usually gave him.  He asked what ABC and RR meant.  I told him 
"Absolutely Best Coffee" and "Really Roasted". Hook, line and sinker.
A few days later, I asked him what he thought.  He said he had been 
rather nervous brewing it up because usually he just didn't care for 
homeroast, "But this was SO different". - He LOVED it and wanted 
more. "So complex, and rich and not so strong like mine".  I sadly 
said it had been too much work and it this was it.
As you can probably tell, ABC was actually "Already Brewed Coffee" 
and RR was "ReRoasted".
John Nanci
AlChemist at large
Zen Roasting , Blending & Espresso pulling by Gestalthttp://www.chocolatealchemy.com/

2) From: Gary Townsend
Remind me to never get on your bad side, John !
On 12/15/06, Alchemist John  wrote:
 Albert Einstein - "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one

3) From: Brett Mason
What exactly does John bring when you criticize his chocolate?
THAT scares me....
On 12/15/06, Gary Townsend  wrote:

4) From: Sheila Quinn
ROFL - that is hilarious!!!!! Thanks for the great laugh! :) :) :) :) :)
Oh my goodness. I just can't stop laughing.
Alchemist John wrote:

5) From: Lynne
HA! Sooooo funny!
This is very similar to my own true story.
This is a true confession.
Some here know that I recently broke up with my (long-time, now ex, but 
just wouldn't leave) boyfriend. From the time I had that fateful talk, 
to the time he FINALLY left was WAY longer than I should have allowed 
.... He was extremely comfortable in MY home, and took advantage of his 
need for surgery & our years together...
but I digress...
I began homeroasting this past spring, close to the time I had our 
first, "you need to leave" discussion. It wasn't too long before I 
realized that he was actually milking me for time ("I have no where to 
go"), not to mention money.
So picture this. He's a heavy smoker. When he wasn't watching tv, he'd 
love to sit on the porch w/his coffee & cigarettes & gossip w/the 
neighbors (prob. about me, or my kids, or both... GRRRRRR) Whenever I'd 
bring up the necessity of his leaving, he'd pull the "I have no where 
to go" bit.
So I began my evil descent... I kept thinking of all the money I was 
paying for rent, food, etc. I was in a Catch 22 - it was easy for 
others to tell me just to throw him out - but his health was bad (and 
he used that).
My little Moka pot made it so easy. I'd be up early, make my cuppa in 
my Moka baby. He'd get up, and want his coffee. I started by using up 
the old beans he had actually purchased a long, long time before. 
Ground them up in the whirly grinder & cooked them up in my good ol' 
"Mmmm" - "This coffee is SO good."
Then I started to mix some of the mistake roastings (you know, those 
roasting batches we all mess up in the beginning of our learning curve, 
the ones that belong in the compost heap.) Made a "special" code label 
for the mason jar w/all the burnt, stale, or just all around messed up 
beans, which I mixed w/that old store bought coffee.
"Mmmm" - "You make the BEST coffee..."
And when I decided to add the final, absolutely worst batch I EVER made 
(a batch I totally ruined when I was rushing to and from the animal 
hospital ER for my sweet border collie who almost died - my all time 
WORST batch - a very strange combination of very underroasted & 
overroasted beans)... coffee which, if had a garden this year, would 
have killed the plants if I used it in compost.....
"Mmmm" - "Great coffee"
On Dec 15, 2006, at 1:11 PM, Sheila Quinn wrote:

6) From: Mike Chester
What you are not taking into account is our "failures" are still better than 
commercial coffee.

7) From: Lynne
You didn't taste the Disaster Roast when my dog almost died. No, 
nothing tasted THAT bad, not Dunkins, not Starbucks. It was very 
strange - was absolutely delish right after I roasted it, even a few 
days after. Took me through the worst days (when my dog was really 
sick). Then, BOOM - it turned into a witches brew. If I had mixed  
Starbucks with garlic or anchovies, I think it would have been better. 
Believe me. I actually think (don't ask me HOW I did this) some of the 
greens were actually still green - and some were burnt. I was upset 
beyond words, and the roast reflected it.
On Dec 15, 2006, at 4:37 PM, Mike Chester wrote:

8) From: Brian Kamnetz
Clearly this is a case of alchemy at work!!!
On 12/15/06, Alchemist John  wrote:

9) From: raymanowen
"I have no where to go..."
"Hot damn- is that Your car rolling out the driveway?"
Cheers -RayO, aka Opa!
When does the abuse of friendship constitute trespass on you?

10) From: Scot Murphy
On Dec 15, 2006, at 10:25 PM, raymanowen wrote:
Now THAT'S funny!
"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
                           --Kilgore Trout

11) From: Alchemist John
I was not so much as criticizing my coffee (most people I deal don't 
"get" homeroasted), as adoring weak char water and thinking it was 
the height of gourmet.  Just touched a nerve I guess.
So, in answer, I simply bring nothing if you don't like my chocolate 
:)  Honestly though, I have NEVER had that happen.
At 08:42 12/15/2006, you wrote:
John Nanci
AlChemist at large
Zen Roasting , Blending & Espresso pulling by Gestalthttp://www.chocolatealchemy.com/

12) From: Alchemist John
wink wink - luckily, we are friends here.
At 08:36 12/15/2006, you wrote:
John Nanci
AlChemist at large
Zen Roasting , Blending & Espresso pulling by Gestalthttp://www.chocolatealchemy.com/

13) From: Lynne
.....Trying to get my brain around the concept... "don't like 
brain is going to explode...
On Dec 15, 2006, at 11:53 PM, Alchemist John wrote:

14) From: Derek Bradford
Ok, I've got one...True story.
My friend's girlfriend's car is on its last legs and stalls on her
whenever she pulls up to a light.  Chris, riding with her one day,
notices the problem and suggests that she give it a little gas
whenever it starts to stall.  A few days later he's driving with her
again, and the car begins to stall as they pull up to a light.  "Give
it some gas", he reminds her.  Flustered, and obviously frustrated
with his advice, she replies, "But I've already put 7 dollars in!"
-- http://www.novernae.comHome of the Wandering Sloth

15) From: Lynne
No, I have a better one.
One of my sons apparently isn't very mechanical. This is not something 
I realized (since I'm not either). But at one point, we decided it was 
time he try to sell his (quite beat-up) car, and I was trying to 
maintain what was left of mine.
I got some oil, checked mine, filled it - then proceeded to tell him I 
bought enough for his car, too.
him: "Huh - no, I just had the oil changed a few months ago."
me: "That's good, but just in case you get low, I have extra here."
him: "What are you talking about... I said I already had it changed."
This went back and forth for awhile, until I made it clear I was 
talking about ADDING oil, not CHANGING it.
"Are you supposed to do that?"
Come to find out, he had NEVER added oil while he owned the car. He 
kept asking me, "Are you SURE you're supposed to do that?" Finally got 
it across, yes, and if you don't... well, needless to say, I was able 
to sell it, but with a million caveats and the explanation that it had 
to be TOWED.
On Dec 16, 2006, at 8:59 AM, Derek Bradford wrote:

16) From: Scot Murphy
On Dec 16, 2006, at 7:59 AM, Derek Bradford wrote:
Let me guess: blonde?
Scot "she will be when I repeat this" Murphy
"You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
                           --Kilgore Trout

17) From: Michael Wascher
Make sure you check her roots, too ...
I used to share an office with a woman who loved blond jokes.
One day Jean (not my wife, Jean) made some blondish remark. I got up and
started to carefully examine her head. Jean asked what I was doing. I
replied, "Looking for blond roots!".
She first got embarrassed & turned red. She then got upset & turned even
redder. Then she refused to speak to me for a week!
On 12/16/06, Scot Murphy  wrote:
"Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play,
you can't win." --Robert Heinlein

18) From: Brett Mason
What must you say for a month of quiet?
On 12/16/06, Michael Wascher  wrote:

19) From: Sheila Quinn
Does something similar work on a man? ;)
Brett Mason wrote:

20) From: Brett Mason
What works on a man?
Ask him to describe his fashion preferences...
On 12/16/06, Sheila Quinn  wrote:

21) From: True, Dennis W. FC1 (CVN69)
Of course ask him which shoes look better with this outfit...
FC1(SW) Dennis W. True
USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69)
FPO AE 09532-2830
HG/DB and Z&D roasting in the Persian Gulf
 "On station and on point 138 and counting down..." 
Does something similar work on a man? ;)

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