HomeRoast Digest


Topic: Make us laugh tradition- Last entry (2 msgs / 240 lines)
1) From: Lynne
--Apple-Mail-9--738888925
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Content-Type: text/plain;
	charsetNDOWS-1252;
	format=flowed
ROTFL -
These entries have made my day - every day!
Dennis, I needed this today. Very funny - thanks!
Lynne
(now back to trying to figure out how to get rid of too much 
furniture...)
On Dec 19, 2006, at 7:41 PM, True, Dennis W. FC1 (CVN69) wrote:
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
<Snip>
--Apple-Mail-9--738888925
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Content-Type: text/enriched;
	charsetNDOWS-1252
ROTFL -
These entries have made my day - every day! 
Dennis, I needed this today. Very funny - thanks! 
Lynne 
(now back to trying to figure out how to get rid of too much
furniture...)
On Dec 19, 2006, at 7:41 PM, True, Dennis W. FC1 (CVN69) wrote:
ArialOk my final attempt
for all the beans here goes!!!!! Pick me Pick
ME!!!! 
ArialNow every one LAUGH
(please…) 
ArialA large retail chain (name
witheld) is rumored to have sent this out last
January 
Times New RomanDear Mrs. =
True,
Times New Roman Our store is
considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again,
unless your husband, Dennis stops his antics. Below is a list of
offenses over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance
cameras.
Times New Roman 1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
they weren't looking.
Times New Roman 2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
Times New Roman 3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest =
rooms.
Times New Roman 4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "'Code 3'
in House wares!"..... and watched what =
happened.
Times New Roman 5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay =
away.
Times New Roman 6. September
14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted =
area.
Times New Roman 7. September
15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department, and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding department.
Times New Roman 8. September
23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
Times New Roman 9. October 4
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked
his nose.
Times New Roman 10. November
10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if
he knows where the antidepressants are.
Times New Roman 11. December
3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the " Mission
Impossible" theme.
Times New Roman 12. December
6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
Times New Roman 13. December
18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled
"PICK ME!, PICK ME!"
Times New Roman 14. December
21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the
fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices =
again!!!!"
Times New Roman and last, but
not least....
Times New Roman 15. December
23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile, then
yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! =
"
ArialDennis =
ArialAKA 
Monotype CorsivaFC1(SW) Dennis W.
True 
Times New =
RomanCS/CS-5 
Times New RomanUSS Dwight D.
Eisenhower (CVN 69) 
Times New RomanFPO AE
09532-2830 
Times New RomanHG/DB and Z&D
roasting in the Arabian Gulf 
=
Helvetica8080,8080,=
0000 “On
station and on point
=
Helvetica0000,8080,0000136
=
Helvetica8080,8080,0000and
counting down…" 
=
--Apple-Mail-9--738888925--

2) From: True, Dennis W. FC1 (CVN69)
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
Ok my final attempt for all the beans here goes!!!!! Pick me Pick ME!!!!
Now every one LAUGH (please...)
A large retail chain (name witheld) is rumored to have sent this out
last January
Dear Mrs. True,
Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us
again, unless your husband, Dennis stops his antics. Below is a list of
offenses over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance
cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"'Code 3' in House wares!"..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department,
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows
from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4 Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
" Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"
and last, but not least....
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited
awhile, then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! "
Dennis
AKA
FC1(SW) Dennis W. True
CS/CS-5
USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69)
FPO AE 09532-2830
HG/DB and Z&D roasting in the Arabian Gulf
 "On station and on point 136 and counting down..." 


HomeRoast Digest