HomeRoast Digest


Topic: I have created friend coffee snobs (14 msgs / 1029 lines)
1) From: Stephen Carey
--=====================_5527843==.ALT
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
So, my friend was having Thanksgiving for those who don't have 
family, couldn't get home or didn't want to get home, so this was 
extended picked-my-family Thanksgiving.  Well it turned out to have 
more people than planned as people just invited friends without 
checking with the host.
Be that as it may, we had plenty of food and I had roasted plenty of 
coffee, which takes a while on the IR2 as you know.  Not bad, just truth.
So, when coffee time comes I go to grind it and the host pulled it 
from my hands and said, "no way are we wasting this coffee on people 
who have just stuffed themselves, are too into themselves to even get 
it."  He suggestion, wait on until most left and it was just two 
couples, and out of that two don't drink coffee.  It was my partner, 
the host's best friend and us.  That's it.
After doing a little cleaning we decided to sit and catch up on life 
things.  I asked if we could make the coffee now, but the host had 
beaten me to it, he had ground it in the burr grinder I told him he 
would love and was brewing it as we spoke.
I feel kind of bad, I brought it for everyone, but my friend was sure 
no one would get it and, though he didn't say it, it left another 
weeks worth for him.  He is the friend that insists on paying me what 
he imagines full retail is.
During the dinner he served Dunkin' Donuts beans and the people all 
commented on how good it was - as good guests would.  They also 
poured gobs of cream and sugar in it - as is their right and I think 
it should be respected in this case.
I can't decide if I am hurt or not.  I mean the coffee was my 
contribution to the party, now we also brought wonderful homemade 
pumpkin cheesecake pies - two.
But, what have I created in my friend.  We went to leave and he 
offered me $25 for the coffee.  I said no, it was a gift.  He said 
then my next hair cut by him was free - all very odd.
But, it did show me that some people can really taste the difference, 
can be snobs and rude about it.  Inside, deep inside, I felt kind of 
cool, knowing he liked what I roasted that much, but the main part of 
me felt selfish and childish, even if I didn't do it.  I don't know 
if I should have made a stink about it or just leave it to our host, 
whose graciousness had brought together 15 people many of which would 
have been alone.  Many have lost their families for coming out and 
all of that silly stuff.  But using the coffee that way bothers 
me.  I think it is time for a talk about how I feel.  Not to hurt his 
feelings, but to explain that sharing the coffee, whether they 
appreciated it or not was my gift and it mean something to me to be 
part of the giving.
Does this even make sense.  I am taking this coffee bean thing very 
serious.  They are so special to me.  I know how to roast bean, that 
is so amazing to me.  My mother told me that it had brought me alive 
and I was full of energy outside of work and that was great to 
see.  Maybe there is more to roasting than I have figured out.  It 
has gotten into my soul, the ability to give a gift I made and 
nurtured to great flavor - much of the time,sometimes not such great 
flavor, but better than DD beans, that I am sure of.
Just my quandary for the day, not feeling sorry for myself, promise. 
--=====================_5527843==.ALT
Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii"
So, my friend was having Thanksgiving for those who don't have family,
couldn't get home or didn't want to get home, so this was extended
picked-my-family Thanksgiving.  Well it turned out to have more
people than planned as people just invited friends without checking with
the host.
Be that as it may, we had plenty of food and I had roasted plenty of
coffee, which takes a while on the IR2 as you know.  Not bad, just
truth.
So, when coffee time comes I go to grind it and the host pulled it from
my hands and said, "no way are we wasting this coffee on people who
have just stuffed themselves, are too into themselves to even get
it."  He suggestion, wait on until most left and it was just
two couples, and out of that two don't drink coffee.  It was my
partner, the host's best friend and us.  That's it.
After doing a little cleaning we decided to sit and catch up on life
things.  I asked if we could make the coffee now, but the host had
beaten me to it, he had ground it in the burr grinder I told him he would
love and was brewing it as we spoke.
I feel kind of bad, I brought it for everyone, but my friend was sure no
one would get it and, though he didn't say it, it left another weeks
worth for him.  He is the friend that insists on paying me what he
imagines full retail is.
During the dinner he served Dunkin' Donuts beans and the people all
commented on how good it was - as good guests would.  They also
poured gobs of cream and sugar in it - as is their right and I think it
should be respected in this case.
I can't decide if I am hurt or not.  I mean the coffee was my
contribution to the party, now we also brought wonderful homemade pumpkin
cheesecake pies - two.
But, what have I created in my friend.  We went to leave and he
offered me $25 for the coffee.  I said no, it was a gift.  He
said then my next hair cut by him was free - all very odd. 
But, it did show me that some people can really taste the difference, can
be snobs and rude about it.  Inside, deep inside, I felt kind of
cool, knowing he liked what I roasted that much, but the main part of me
felt selfish and childish, even if I didn't do it.  I don't know if
I should have made a stink about it or just leave it to our host, whose
graciousness had brought together 15 people many of which would have been
alone.  Many have lost their families for coming out and all of that
silly stuff.  But using the coffee that way bothers me.  I
think it is time for a talk about how I feel.  Not to hurt his
feelings, but to explain that sharing the coffee, whether they
appreciated it or not was my gift and it mean something to me to be part
of the giving.
Does this even make sense.  I am taking this coffee bean thing very
serious.  They are so special to me.  I know how to roast bean,
that is so amazing to me.  My mother told me that it had brought me
alive and I was full of energy outside of work and that was great to
see.  Maybe there is more to roasting than I have figured out. 
It has gotten into my soul, the ability to give a gift I
made and nurtured to great flavor - much of the time,sometimes not such
great flavor, but better than DD beans, that I am sure of.
Just my quandary for the day, not feeling sorry for myself,
promise.
--=====================_5527843==.ALT--

2) From: Brett Mason
Hey Stephen
Certainly understand how you feel.  One of the challenges to going to
someone else's home is they get to run the show...  You just may need to
host a "dessert" back at your place, for all the people you gave thanks
with, and then serve coffee and dessert to everyone.  I would bet your
friend thought he was protecting you somehow from other poeple not
recognizing the great gift you brought...
Speaking of rude and snobbish, you've already met ME and several of my
friends on the list.  I can be rude and snobby with the rest of them - it's
a gift...
Hang in there buddy, your gracious spirit and kindness was recognized by
many, even if they haven't tasted your coffee magic!
Brett
On Nov 23, 2007 1:11 PM, Stephen Carey  wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Cheers,
Bretthttp://homeroast.freeservers.com

3) From: Larry Johnson
I think I know how you feel, Stephen. In fact, I think I would have
felt the same way. Not sure how I would have reacted, being caught off
guard and all, but probably would have let the host have his way. He
is the host, after all. I still think it was inconsiderate of your
feelings to deny those others the enjoyment of your contribution to
the meal, whether or not they would have appreciated it fully.
Let's say you bring a bottle of wine to the dinner; a very rare and
special vintage. Let's say half of the dinner part wouldn't know
Chateauneuf du Pape from Ripple. Is the host within his rights to
withhold the really fabulous bottle and serve box wine until only
those with discerning palates are left to fully appreciate it? I
wouldn't, but is the host open to criticism for doing so? If you
brought plenty for everyone, then I think he should have shared with
everyone as you intended, be they coffee cretins or no.
But I wouldn't take any share of his guilt onto my shoulders, Stephen.
You committed your act of great generosity when you brought the coffee
for the entire party; he "stole" your gift and appropriated most of it
for himself. That was him, not you.
I think you're right to have a talk with him about how you feel. Just
my opinion.
LJ
On Nov 23, 2007 2:11 PM, Stephen Carey  wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Larry J

4) From: Sandra Andina
--Apple-Mail-1-648067092
Content-Type: text/plain;
	charset-ASCII;
	format=flowed;
	delsp=yes
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
There is nothing wrong with being demanding about one's culinary  
preferences, so long as:
--You accept what is offered graciously, or decline it without making  
disparaging comments about its quality (and especially not about the  
taste of the offeror). Nothing wrong with saying you simply don't  
particularly like a certain substance or variety thereof, as long as  
you don't say it's dreck (or the functional equivalent).
--You offer your own superior substances (coffee, wine, booze, beer,  
chocolate, etc.) to all in attendance rather than snidely waiting  
until only your fellow connoisseurs remain. The exception to that is  
if you do not reveal to anyone else that you've got the stuff until  
after those whom you are CERTAIN could not tell the difference have  
gone home, and I consider even that borderline. If the quality of  
mercy is not strained, neither is the quality of generosity.  Besides,  
you never know who may experience a taste epiphany.  Every connoisseur  
had to taste something for the first time.
Your uneasy feelings about your host's behavior were justified, IMHO.
On Nov 23, 2007, at 1:11 PM, Stephen Carey wrote:
<Snip>
Sandy Andina
www.myspace.com/sandyandina
--Apple-Mail-1-648067092
Content-Type: text/html;
	charset-ASCII
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
There is nothing wrong with =
being demanding about one's culinary preferences, so long as:--You =
accept what is offered graciously, or decline it without making =
disparaging comments about its quality (and especially not about the =
taste of the offeror). Nothing wrong with saying you simply don't =
particularly like a certain substance or variety thereof, as long as you =
don't say it's dreck (or the functional =
equivalent). --You offer your own superior substances =
(coffee, wine, booze, beer, chocolate, etc.) to all in attendance rather =
than snidely waiting until only your fellow connoisseurs remain. The =
exception to that is if you do not reveal to anyone else that you've got =
the stuff until after those whom you are CERTAIN could not tell the =
difference have gone home, and I consider even that borderline. If the =
quality of mercy is not strained, neither is the quality of generosity. =
 Besides, you never know who may experience a taste epiphany. =
 Every connoisseur had to taste something for the first =
time.
Your = uneasy feelings about your host's behavior were justified, = IMHO. On Nov 23, 2007, at 1:11 PM, Stephen Carey = wrote:
So, my friend was having Thanksgiving for those who = don't have family, couldn't get home or didn't want to get home, so this = was extended picked-my-family Thanksgiving.  Well it turned out to = have more people than planned as people just invited friends without = checking with the host. Be that as it may, we had plenty of food = and I had roasted plenty of coffee, which takes a while on the IR2 as = you know.  Not bad, just truth. So, when coffee time comes = I go to grind it and the host pulled it from my hands and said, "no way = are we wasting this coffee on people who have just stuffed themselves, = are too into themselves to even get it."  He suggestion, wait on = until most left and it was just two couples, and out of that two don't = drink coffee.  It was my partner, the host's best friend and = us.  That's it. After doing a little cleaning we decided to = sit and catch up on life things.  I asked if we could make the = coffee now, but the host had beaten me to it, he had ground it in the = burr grinder I told him he would love and was brewing it as we = spoke. I feel kind of bad, I brought it for everyone, but my = friend was sure no one would get it and, though he didn't say it, it = left another weeks worth for him.  He is the friend that insists on = paying me what he imagines full retail is. During the dinner he = served Dunkin' Donuts beans and the people all commented on how good it = was - as good guests would.  They also poured gobs of cream and = sugar in it - as is their right and I think it should be respected in = this case. I can't decide if I am hurt or not.  I mean the = coffee was my contribution to the party, now we also brought wonderful = homemade pumpkin cheesecake pies - two. But, what have I created = in my friend.  We went to leave and he offered me $25 for the = coffee.  I said no, it was a gift.  He said then my next hair = cut by him was free - all very odd. But, it did show me that = some people can really taste the difference, can be snobs and rude about = it.  Inside, deep inside, I felt kind of cool, knowing he liked = what I roasted that much, but the main part of me felt selfish and = childish, even if I didn't do it.  I don't know if I should have = made a stink about it or just leave it to our host, whose graciousness = had brought together 15 people many of which would have been = alone.  Many have lost their families for coming out and all of = that silly stuff.  But using the coffee that way bothers me.  = I think it is time for a talk about how I feel.  Not to hurt his = feelings, but to explain that sharing the coffee, whether they = appreciated it or not was my gift and it mean something to me to be part = of the giving. Does this even make sense.  I am taking this = coffee bean thing very serious.  They are so special to me.  I = know how to roast bean, that is so amazing to me.  My mother told = me that it had brought me alive and I was full of energy outside of work = and that was great to see.  Maybe there is more to roasting than I = have figured out.  It has gotten into my soul, the = ability to give a gift I made and nurtured to great flavor - much of the = time,sometimes not such great flavor, but better than DD beans, that I = am sure of. Just my quandary for the day, not feeling sorry for = myself, promise. Sandy Andinawww.myspace.com/sandyandina = --Apple-Mail-1-648067092--

5) From: Barry Luterman
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
Sandy whatever was finally resolved with your new espresso machine. Are =
you satisfied now? Don't remember seeing any follow up

6) From: Sandra Andina
--Apple-Mail-3-649342719
Content-Type: text/plain;
	charset-ASCII;
	format=flowed;
	delsp=yes
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
Hi, Barry,
Roger and Gus, the shop owner and his son, came over a week and a half  
ago and looked briefly at the Magister and agreed with me that some  
connection had probably worked loose--probably the overpressure valve  
which vents out the bottom (which was where the leak seemed to  
originate). They took it back to the shop but I am not going to press  
the issue till Mon. since it's Thanksgiving and they've been swamped  
with work (and have had to hand some business off to their competitor  
out in Elk Grove). They'll deliver and test it in my kitchen to  
preclude any transit or setup snafus on my part.
Meanwhile, Silvia keeps chugging along......
On Nov 23, 2007, at 2:57 PM, Barry Luterman wrote:
<Snip>
Sandy Andina
www.myspace.com/sandyandina
--Apple-Mail-3-649342719
Content-Type: text/html;
	charset-ASCII
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Hi, Barry,
Roger and Gus, the shop = owner and his son, came over a week and a half ago and looked briefly at = the Magister and agreed with me that some connection had probably worked = loose--probably the overpressure valve which vents out the bottom (which = was where the leak seemed to originate). They took it back to the shop = but I am not going to press the issue till Mon. since it's Thanksgiving = and they've been swamped with work (and have had to hand some business = off to their competitor out in Elk Grove). They'll deliver and test it = in my kitchen to preclude any transit or setup snafus on my = part.
Meanwhile, Silvia keeps = chugging along...... On Nov 23, 2007, at 2:57 PM, Barry = Luterman wrote:
Sandy whatever was finally resolved with your new espresso = machine. Are you satisfied now? Don't remember seeing any follow = up----- = Original Message ----- Sandra= AndinaTo: homeroast= s.comSent: Friday, November 23, 2007 = 10:51 AMSubject: Re: +I have created friend = coffee snobs There is nothing wrong with being = demanding about one's culinary preferences, so long as:--You accept = what is offered graciously, or decline it without making disparaging = comments about its quality (and especially not about the taste of the = offeror). Nothing wrong with saying you simply don't particularly like a = certain substance or variety thereof, as long as you don't say it's = dreck (or the functional equivalent). --You offer your = own superior substances (coffee, wine, booze, beer, chocolate, etc.) to = all in attendance rather than snidely waiting until only your fellow = connoisseurs remain. The exception to that is if you do not reveal to = anyone else that you've got the stuff until after those whom you are = CERTAIN could not tell the difference have gone home, and I consider = even that borderline. If the quality of mercy is not strained, neither = is the quality of generosity.  Besides, you never know who may = experience a taste epiphany.  Every connoisseur had to taste = something for the first time.
Your uneasy feelings about = your host's behavior were justified, IMHO. On Nov 23, 2007, = at 1:11 PM, Stephen Carey wrote:
So, = my friend was having Thanksgiving for those who don't have family, = couldn't get home or didn't want to get home, so this was extended = picked-my-family Thanksgiving.  Well it turned out to have more = people than planned as people just invited friends without checking with = the host. Be that as it may, we had plenty of food and I had = roasted plenty of coffee, which takes a while on the IR2 as you = know.  Not bad, just truth. So, when coffee time comes I go = to grind it and the host pulled it from my hands and said, "no way are = we wasting this coffee on people who have just stuffed themselves, are = too into themselves to even get it."  He suggestion, wait on until = most left and it was just two couples, and out of that two don't drink = coffee.  It was my partner, the host's best friend and us.  = That's it. After doing a little cleaning we decided to sit and = catch up on life things.  I asked if we could make the coffee now, = but the host had beaten me to it, he had ground it in the burr grinder I = told him he would love and was brewing it as we spoke. I feel = kind of bad, I brought it for everyone, but my friend was sure no one = would get it and, though he didn't say it, it left another weeks worth = for him.  He is the friend that insists on paying me what he = imagines full retail is. During the dinner he served Dunkin' = Donuts beans and the people all commented on how good it was - as good = guests would.  They also poured gobs of cream and sugar in it - as = is their right and I think it should be respected in this case. I = can't decide if I am hurt or not.  I mean the coffee was my = contribution to the party, now we also brought wonderful homemade = pumpkin cheesecake pies - two. But, what have I created in my = friend.  We went to leave and he offered me $25 for the = coffee.  I said no, it was a gift.  He said then my next hair = cut by him was free - all very odd.  But, it did show me = that some people can really taste the difference, can be snobs and rude = about it.  Inside, deep inside, I felt kind of cool, knowing he = liked what I roasted that much, but the main part of me felt selfish and = childish, even if I didn't do it.  I don't know if I should have = made a stink about it or just leave it to our host, whose graciousness = had brought together 15 people many of which would have been = alone.  Many have lost their families for coming out and all of = that silly stuff.  But using the coffee that way bothers me.  = I think it is time for a talk about how I feel.  Not to hurt his = feelings, but to explain that sharing the coffee, whether they = appreciated it or not was my gift and it mean something to me to be part = of the giving. Does this even make sense.  I am taking this = coffee bean thing very serious.  They are so special to me.  I = know how to roast bean, that is so amazing to me.  My mother told = me that it had brought me alive and I was full of energy outside of work = and that was great to see.  Maybe there is more to roasting than I = have figured out.  It has gotten into my soul, the = ability to give a gift I made and nurtured to great flavor - much of the = time,sometimes not such great flavor, but better than DD beans, that I = am sure of. Just my quandary for the day, not feeling sorry for = myself, promise. Sandy Andinawww.myspace.com/sandyandina
Sandy Andina
www.myspace.com/sandyandina = --Apple-Mail-3-649342719--

7) From: gin
Hi Stephen:
Frankly your friend sounds like a jerk...
For him to offer his home and food to those who have/had no place to go obviously feeds his ego...
he needs to zip over to the local Rescue Mission and help on the line to serve for holiday dinners!!
My guess is that most of the people who had the "dunkin donuts" coffee would have noticed the difference in your special home roasted.
I say poop on him and if he wants a gift of coffee from you make sure you send/buy him
"dunkin dounuts!!"
I am very sorry you were threated so badly. This dude is not your friend.
He is a user.
ginny
---- Brett Mason  wrote: 
<Snip>

8) From: Lynne
Stephen -
You are a kind, caring person - you are right about your friend (yet I am
sure you do not even want to think poorly of him...)
I know people like that - have had people (relations, too) who are like
that. People who would give, but expect something in return (and they
measured out exactly how much they'd give, too)
 Reminds me of the Grinch (with a heart two sizes too small - yet, he
learned eventually, didn't he?)
You just keep being you. I know if I had been in that situation, I wouldn't
know what to do - you did the right thing - it was all you could do.
It is ironic though - if he was offering to pay you (he's not Italian, is
he? because if he is, then he was expecting you to refuse... it's just part
of the insane culture...), then he could have asked you to roast X amt for
him later... maybe he kinda resented the extra people showing up uninvited,
and that was his way of dealing with his anger.
Lynne

9) From: Stephen Carey
--=====================_18865187==.ALT
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
All good words from people I do call my friends yet I have not met a 
one of you.  I tell my family that this list is so different.
They can see how roasting and this list has brought back much of the 
life that the cancer and its insane treatments was killing off and I 
have a good team.  They put friendship first, but the end result is, 
as some of you know, touch going.
It is so great that my partner, my parents and others see a 
difference in me since roasting and being on this list, learning, 
agreeing, disagreeing and laughing about it when we do, all of it.
Thank you.  I will have to see how to play it out, but it will not 
take up much time of my life, too much to do, like roasting a batch 
tonight - for me - to bother with this sort of thing.  Better to 
think the best, move on and see how it turns out.  Then I will 
know.  I will say something though.  I had made a point that it was 
my offering to the day and while I don't want my ego being in the 
way, it would have been just as rude not to server a pie because it 
looks too good - I think.
So, moving on and having fun doing so.  Thank you all for the 
wonderful words.  Happy roasting.
Stephen
At 05:19 PM 11/23/2007, you wrote:
<Snip>
--=====================_18865187==.ALT
Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii"
All good words from people I do call my friends yet I have
not met a one of you.  I tell my family that this list is so
different.
They can see how roasting and this list has brought back much of the life
that the cancer and its insane treatments was killing off and I have a
good team.  They put friendship first, but the end result is, as
some of you know, touch going.
It is so great that my partner, my parents and others see a difference in
me since roasting and being on this list, learning, agreeing, disagreeing
and laughing about it when we do, all of it.
Thank you.  I will have to see how to play it out, but it will not
take up much time of my life, too much to do, like roasting a batch
tonight - for me - to bother with this sort of thing.  Better to
think the best, move on and see how it turns out.  Then I will
know.  I will say something though.  I had made a point that it
was my offering to the day and while I don't want my ego being in the
way, it would have been just as rude not to server a pie because it looks
too good - I think.
So, moving on and having fun doing so.  Thank you all for the
wonderful words.  Happy roasting.
Stephen
At 05:19 PM 11/23/2007, you wrote:
Stephen -
You are a kind, caring person - you are right about your friend (yet I am
sure you do not even want to think poorly of him...)
I know people like that - have had people (relations, too) who are like
that. People who would give, but expect something in return (and they
measured out exactly how much they'd give, too) 
 Reminds me of the Grinch (with a heart two sizes too small - yet,
he learned eventually, didn't he?)
You just keep being you. I know if I had been in that situation, I
wouldn't know what to do - you did the right thing - it was all you could
do. 
It is ironic though - if he was offering to pay you (he's not Italian, is
he? because if he is, then he was expecting you to refuse... it's just
part of the insane culture...), then he could have asked you to roast X
amt for him later... maybe he kinda resented the extra people showing up
uninvited, and that was his way of dealing with his anger. 
Lynne
--=====================_18865187==.ALT--

10) From: Aaron Scholten
Ok I have some comments.
First off Gin.  in this situation maybe, but just because someone offers 
their home and a free meal to those shall we say ... less fortunate???  
does not mean they are feeding their ego's.   I know many folks who will 
do just that around the holidays.
I myself when I was still in the navy would do that often to be honest,  
Id basically tell the guys who didn't have family around, were not able 
to fly home for thanksgiving or whatever, hey, I got a big fixin going 
on here, I do it every year.  I got turkey, ham, you name it and you are 
more than welcome to come over for some food, and to get away from the 
ship for a while.  My first few years in the navy were spent away from 
home at thanksgiving, christmas, all the holidays, because I was on zulu 
point in the indian ocean... I remember how shitty I felt back then and 
kind of empathized and figured well, we are inport now, perhaps I can 
make being away from home a little less shitty for some folks, and do 
the dinner thing.   When I was stationed in Guam, my brother was there 
as well, he was in the Air Force, I was in a real military branch (hehe) 
and his commander would invite the single folks to his house for 
thanksgiving, and invited me as well, (which made me nervous as hell 
being invited to a full bird's house for dinner when I was a lowly E-5 
at the time)..  point is, folks do it, and it's not necessarily an ago 
thing.
Now on the coffee thing... seems kind of rude.  Wait until the peasants 
leave then we can drink the good stuff....  Id have said something to 
the host at that point, not make a big stink in front of everyone but 
just sort of, dude, that's kind of F'd up there.  I got plenty of 
coffee, let everyone taste it, they might like it.    But then again 
that's just me, and then again, it IS his house, his party and well, he 
by default... gets to call the shots.
On one hand it does make you feel kind of good that he likes your coffee 
so much, but on the other, it wasn't a very nice thing he did there, 
perhaps with the selfish motive of just keeping more coffee for 
himself..... then offering to pay for it......
I don't know what kind of relationship or friendship you two have, but 
obviously this is bothering you or else you would not have brought it up 
here.   Harboring 'ill feelings'... or just.... 'unsolved 
feelings'...... NEVER results in anything good when a friendship is 
involved.....  You need to talk to him about it.   Don't have to be 
confrontational, rude, condescending or any of that, but just, hey 
man... thanksgiving.. the coffee thing, what was that all about.... let 
him know how you feel, and say perhaps you just misunderstood him, ... 
or he misunderstood you.... that you don't want to start a fight but 
were just a little confused, and well... taken aback by the 
incident..... clear the air that way...  perhaps he didn't even realize 
he did that, or what a smeg he sounded like saying that....  if he IS a 
REAL friend and you do piss him off...he'll get over it... true friends 
generally do.
sorry, don't mean to lecture you but, yah... go talk to him .. it'll be 
good for both of you... very worst you will know exactly where you stand 
in the theme of things.
Aaron

11) From: Stephen Carey
--=====================_19639125==.ALT
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
Nicely said, Aaron and I doubt Gin's comments were mean to be across 
the board, just being a bit protective maybe, she can explain.  But, 
I will talk to my friend, I see him in the morning for he cuts my 
hair - ugh!!! No, he is generally cool and that is why it has bugged 
me, but when he asked people to bring stuff he asked be to bring the 
coffee.  I will be kind, as he holds the scissors (I don't have much 
to cut anyway) and just ask him what was up.  Maybe a mistake of 
judgement that I have certainly done in my time.
Again, everyone, thank you - it helps remind me why I love roasting 
so much.  Off to my roast now - an Ethiopia Yirg I feel is in the works!!
At 05:55 PM 11/23/2007, you wrote:
<Snip>
--=====================_19639125==.ALT
Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
Nicely said, Aaron and I doubt Gin's comments were mean to
be across the board, just being a bit protective maybe, she can
explain.  But, I will talk to my friend, I see him in the morning
for he cuts my hair - ugh!!! No, he is generally cool and that is why it
has bugged me, but when he asked people to bring stuff he asked be to
bring the coffee.  I will be kind, as he holds the scissors (I don't
have much to cut anyway) and just ask him what was up.  Maybe a
mistake of judgement that I have certainly done in my time.
Again, everyone, thank you - it helps remind me why I love roasting so
much.  Off to my roast now - an Ethiopia Yirg I feel is in the
works!!
At 05:55 PM 11/23/2007, you wrote:
Ok I have some
comments.
First off Gin.  in this situation maybe, but just because someone
offers their home and a free meal to those shall we say ... less
fortunate???  
does not mean they are feeding their ego's.   I know many folks
who will do just that around the holidays.
I myself when I was still in the navy would do that often to be
honest,  
Id basically tell the guys who didn't have family around, were not able
to fly home for thanksgiving or whatever, hey, I got a big fixin going on
here, I do it every year.  I got turkey, ham, you name it and you
are more than welcome to come over for some food, and to get away from
the ship for a while.  My first few years in the navy were spent
away from home at thanksgiving, christmas, all the holidays, because I
was on zulu point in the indian ocean... I remember how shitty I felt
back then and kind of empathized and figured well, we are inport now,
perhaps I can make being away from home a little less shitty for some
folks, and do the dinner thing.   When I was stationed in Guam,
my brother was there as well, he was in the Air Force, I was in a real
military branch (hehe) and his commander would invite the single folks to
his house for thanksgiving, and invited me as well, (which made me
nervous as hell being invited to a full bird's house for dinner when I
was a lowly E-5 at the time)..  point is, folks do it, and it's not
necessarily an ago thing.
Now on the coffee thing... seems kind of rude.  Wait until the
peasants leave then we can drink the good stuff....  Id have said
something to the host at that point, not make a big stink in front of
everyone but just sort of, dude, that's kind of F'd up there.  I got
plenty of coffee, let everyone taste it, they might like
it.    But then again that's just me, and then again, it
IS his house, his party and well, he by default... gets to call the
shots.
On one hand it does make you feel kind of good that he likes your coffee
so much, but on the other, it wasn't a very nice thing he did there,
perhaps with the selfish motive of just keeping more coffee for
himself..... then offering to pay for it......
I don't know what kind of relationship or friendship you two have, but
obviously this is bothering you or else you would not have brought it up
here.   Harboring 'ill feelings'... or just.... 'unsolved
feelings'...... NEVER results in anything good when a friendship is
involved.....  You need to talk to him about it.   Don't
have to be confrontational, rude, condescending or any of that, but just,
hey man... thanksgiving.. the coffee thing, what was that all about....
let him know how you feel, and say perhaps you just misunderstood him,
... or he misunderstood you.... that you don't want to start a fight but
were just a little confused, and well... taken aback by the incident.....
clear the air that way...  perhaps he didn't even realize he did
that, or what a smeg he sounded like saying that....  if he IS a
REAL friend and you do piss him off...he'll get over it... true friends
generally do.
sorry, don't mean to lecture you but, yah... go talk to him .. it'll be
good for both of you... very worst you will know exactly where you stand
in the theme of things.
Aaron
homeroast mailing list
http://lists.sweetmarias.com/mailman/listinfo/homeroastTo change your personal list settings (digest options, vacations,
unsvbscribes) go to
http://sweetmarias.com/maillistinfo.html#personalsettings--=====================_19639125==.ALT--

12) From: gin
Aaron:
Clearly I was not making a blanket statement...
the entire situation seemed over the top!
I spent 1/2 of Thursday at the Phoenix Rescue Mission serving, busing and washing dishes! Will do the same at Christmas.
For my personal day with family that are here in AZ I added a few of the folks, usually older people, who live in this complex and are alone.  We all had a great time...
ginny
---- Aaron Scholten  wrote: 
<Snip>

13) From: John B. Webster
Why isn’t this an OT????????  
John B. Webster

14) From: Brett Mason
This whole discussion was about bringing coffee to a dinner which was
offered to people who had no place to go...  Thos themes have continued
throughout the thread, although the last couple messages would appear OT if
not taken in context...
Coffee's been in there all along, thus it wasn't labeled OT...
Cheers,
Brett
On Nov 24, 2007 8:53 PM, John B. Webster 
wrote:
<Snip>
-- 
Cheers,
Bretthttp://homeroast.freeservers.com


HomeRoast Digest