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Topic: OT: Nothing about Java (7 msgs / 260 lines)
1) From: Brett Mason
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and
Costello, and too old to REALLY understand
computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of
us who sometimes get flustered by our computers,
please read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on
First?' might have turned out something like this:
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den
and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look
at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer
and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I
can use to write proposals, track expenses and run
my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
COSTELLO: For my office?
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,
let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want
to type a proposal. What do I need?
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you
don't start with some straight answers. What about
financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track
my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START'

2) From: Bryan Wray
That was great.. thank you very much for that Brett...  did you happen to enter that in the humor contest?  You probably would have won!  I think it's hilarious, and I'm too young to remember the originals, just the re-tolds and re-runs for me.
Bryan Wray
NaDean's Coffee Place/
Dino's Coffee Lounge
Kalamazoo, MI
"It is my hope that people realize that coffee is more than just a caffeine delivery service, it can be a culinary art"- Chris Owens.
Never miss a thing.   Make Yahoo your homepage.

3) From: Brett Mason
Maybe so ... my humor submission was:
How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree...
There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves
in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now
there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might
join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in
a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was
very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the
oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no
snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and
Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat.
Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that
they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would
be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop.
There was nothing going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were
about three weeks behind in their work, and it didn't look that all
the toys would be ready by Christmas Eve. Santa's foul mood was
exacerbated by a bad case of hemorrhoids, and he wasn't too happy
about the possibility of having to ride so far on Christmas Eve.
Seeing the terrible state of affairs at the North Pole chez Santa, the
angels took up an offering to buy a gift for the unhappy workers and
the Clauses - something that would brighten their Christmas. They
chose a Christmas tree, and they sent it down by an angel.
The angel burst into the workshop room and asked,
On 12/19/07, Bryan Wray  wrote:

4) From: Dave
No wonder we didn't get the maple sugar. I used the same one;-)
Some days...
It's just not worth chewing through the leather straps
On Dec 19, 2007 10:58 AM, Brett Mason  wrote:

5) From: Brett Mason
...Maybe cause ours is a true story, nonfiction....
On 12/19/07, Dave  wrote:

6) From: raymanowen
We would listen to Abbott and Costello on a floor model radio that had a
green tuning eye tube in the tuning dial.
In addition to the AM broadcast band, there were several shortwave bands. I
heard some amateur radio morse code signals and I was hooked by about 6th
Cheers, Mabuhay -RayO, aka Opa!
On Dec 19, 2007 10:07 AM, Brett Mason  wrote:
"When the theme hits the bass, I dance the Jig!" - -Virgil Fox at the Mighty
Wichita (ex- NYC Paramount) WurliTzer- 1976

7) From: Jeff Anderson
Ya'll are hilarious!

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