HomeRoast Digest


Topic: OT: The Loss of my Best Friend (9 msgs / 509 lines)
1) From: Lynne
Been going through a lot these days, and just feel like I need to share with
my
homeroast family. Please forgive me for the departure from
coffee-conversation.
This year has really sucked big time (can I say that on the list? - well, it
*has*) Before
Easter, (in fact, the day before my birthday) a dear friend of mine, someone
I've known
for almost 30 yrs, passed away. (It was due to the injuries fr a car
accident - but she'd
been recently diagnosed w/Alzheimers, so it was a bittersweet blessing, of
sorts - she
didn't suffer for long). I was still in shock when I heard the news that she
had passed -
and then -
Well, then my ex-boyfriend (despite our differences, we remained friends and
spoke daily)
passed away shortly after his doctor at the VA told him they suspected he
had leukemia.
It was like the blink of an eye - leukemia is certainly lacking in kindness,
sneaking up on
people and not giving them enough time to realize what is to come...
Then a couple of wks ago, my ex-husband (who had cancer for many years)
passed on - lots
of memories, good and not-so-good, all mixed up for myself and my four
now-adult children
(amazing kids, I must say); we've felt a terrible loss there, no matter what
we'd gone through
years ago.
But the final thorn was this past week - my dear, sweet Shiloh, my pal, my
heart-of-my-heart,
who had so many health issues for so long, took a turn literally overnight
(had no sleep, as I
stayed up with him all night long). He was part Border Collie, maybe part
Bernese Mountain dog
and maybe some retriever - and def. part human. We took him to the vet
immediately when they
opened on Wed morning - she treated him for an ear infection, but gently let
us know that she
suspected cancer. He was totally blind, she said (explained why he was
bumping into us & the
wall the night before), and she felt the source was something very serious.
He had also lost his
hearing some time before - to compensate, I was using touch to communicate &
comfort him.
When he'd have a particularly anxious night, he'd sit next to me & I'd pet
him nearly constantly
while I was at the computer, or would give him rub downs, gentle so as not
to aggrevate what
we thought was arthritis in is hind legs. I thought he was experiencing
canine cognitive dysfunction -
doggie dementia - since he was 12 1/2 yrs old, but it was much worse.
We (my son was w/me the whole time, thank heaven above, as I don't know how
I would have
handled it alone) took him home, and he was never able to stand up again,
despite his constantly
trying.
That evening, I had no choice but to make that horrible decision, since his
condition progressed
so rapidly - and he was suffering so much. At least my he's not suffering
anymore.
Anyone who has ever felt close to an animal of any kind - you know.
I know I'll be fine - it'll take some time, I'm sure. Tried to prepare
myself for this, for a couple of years
now, but you know, you just can't prepare for this, no matter what. You just
have to accept.
I'm having my time crying, off and on. Tomorrow I'll get up, take my Emma
and Sammy for a walk,
then after I make my moka pot of homeroast, I'll spend some time cuddling my
two guys (guy & gal,
actually), just like I did today - and I'll thank God he brought these two
in my life.
Then I'll try to get busy, which is a darn good medicine at times like this,
so I won't notice the pain in
my heart too much.
-- 
*"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "
Anatole France*
Homeroast mailing list
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2) From: Lynne
Been going through a lot these days, and just feel like I need to share with
my
homeroast family. Please forgive me for the departure from
coffee-conversation.
This year has really sucked big time (can I say that on the list? - well, it
*has*) Before
Easter, (in fact, the day before my birthday) a dear friend of mine, someone
I've known
for almost 30 yrs, passed away. (It was due to the injuries fr a car
accident - but she'd
been recently diagnosed w/Alzheimers, so it was a bittersweet blessing, of
sorts - she
didn't suffer for long). I was still in shock when I heard the news that she
had passed -
and then -
Well, then my ex-boyfriend (despite our differences, we remained friends and
spoke daily)
passed away shortly after his doctor at the VA told him they suspected he
had leukemia.
It was like the blink of an eye - leukemia is certainly lacking in kindness,
sneaking up on
people and not giving them enough time to realize what is to come...
Then a couple of wks ago, my ex-husband (who had cancer for many years)
passed on - lots
of memories, good and not-so-good, all mixed up for myself and my four
now-adult children
(amazing kids, I must say); we've felt a terrible loss there, no matter what
we'd gone through
years ago.
But the final thorn was this past week - my dear, sweet Shiloh, my pal, my
heart-of-my-heart,
who had so many health issues for so long, took a turn literally overnight
(had no sleep, as I
stayed up with him all night long). He was part Border Collie, maybe part
Bernese Mountain dog
and maybe some retriever - and def. part human. We took him to the vet
immediately when they
opened on Wed morning - she treated him for an ear infection, but gently let
us know that she
suspected cancer. He was totally blind, she said (explained why he was
bumping into us & the
wall the night before), and she felt the source was something very serious.
He had also lost his
hearing some time before - to compensate, I was using touch to communicate &
comfort him.
When he'd have a particularly anxious night, he'd sit next to me & I'd pet
him nearly constantly
while I was at the computer, or would give him rub downs, gentle so as not
to aggrevate what
we thought was arthritis in is hind legs. I thought he was experiencing
canine cognitive dysfunction -
doggie dementia - since he was 12 1/2 yrs old, but it was much worse.
We (my son was w/me the whole time, thank heaven above, as I don't know how
I would have
handled it alone) took him home, and he was never able to stand up again,
despite his constantly
trying.
That evening, I had no choice but to make that horrible decision, since his
condition progressed
so rapidly - and he was suffering so much. At least my he's not suffering
anymore.
Anyone who has ever felt close to an animal of any kind - you know.
I know I'll be fine - it'll take some time, I'm sure. Tried to prepare
myself for this, for a couple of years
now, but you know, you just can't prepare for this, no matter what. You just
have to accept.
I'm having my time crying, off and on. Tomorrow I'll get up, take my Emma
and Sammy for a walk,
then after I make my moka pot of homeroast, I'll spend some time cuddling my
two guys (guy & gal,
actually), just like I did today - and I'll thank God he brought these two
in my life.
Then I'll try to get busy, which is a darn good medicine at times like this,
so I won't notice the pain in
my heart too much.
-- 
*"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "
Anatole France*
Homeroast mailing list
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3) From: Justin Schwarz
No need to bring home roasting into this conversation we all care so much about you and I know how hard it is to lose such a close family member, I had a dog that I grew up with since I was a baby, he was my brother and the loss was unbelievable.  I hope you can find peace with your dear Shiloh's departure, he is in a better place now, and will always be with you.
I truly feel for your loss, and my thoughts will be with you tonight.
- Justin
On Oct 8, 2010, at 9:29 PM, Lynne wrote:
<Snip>
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4) From: Sandy Andina
Lynne,
So sorry to hear of all your losses, especially your latest.  The decision to let a suffering trusted and trusting animal companion move on to the next world is always a wrenching one; but know that it is always the right decision. It doesn't get any easier each time--but the memories do gather and grow.
On Oct 8, 2010, at 11:29 PM, Lynne wrote:
<Snip>
Peace & song, 
Sandy 
www.sandyandina.com
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5) From: michael brown
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles.I worked 5yrs as a tech at an emergency animal clinic. it was never easy, and we had to deal with those kinds of decisions with owners several times, every shift.In my experience, i've experienced the most intense growth in times of pain and tribulations.I do believe its important to reach out, lean, and share with all your networks and communities.
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6) From: Andy Thomas
You've had a rough year, Lynne. I'm sorry for all your losses.
From: Lynne 
To: "A list to discuss home coffee roasting. There are rules for this list, 
available athttp://www.sweemarias.com/maillistinfo.html"
Sent: Fri, October 8, 2010 9:29:08 PM
Subject: [Homeroast] OT: The Loss of my Best Friend
Been going through a lot these days, and just feel like I need to share with
my
homeroast family. Please forgive me for the departure from
coffee-conversation.
This year has really sucked big time (can I say that on the list? - well, it
*has*) Before
Easter, (in fact, the day before my birthday) a dear friend of mine, someone
I've known
for almost 30 yrs, passed away. (It was due to the injuries fr a car
accident - but she'd
been recently diagnosed w/Alzheimers, so it was a bittersweet blessing, of
sorts - she
didn't suffer for long). I was still in shock when I heard the news that she
had passed -
and then -
Well, then my ex-boyfriend (despite our differences, we remained friends and
spoke daily)
passed away shortly after his doctor at the VA told him they suspected he
had leukemia.
It was like the blink of an eye - leukemia is certainly lacking in kindness,
sneaking up on
people and not giving them enough time to realize what is to come...
Then a couple of wks ago, my ex-husband (who had cancer for many years)
passed on - lots
of memories, good and not-so-good, all mixed up for myself and my four
now-adult children
(amazing kids, I must say); we've felt a terrible loss there, no matter what
we'd gone through
years ago.
But the final thorn was this past week - my dear, sweet Shiloh, my pal, my
heart-of-my-heart,
who had so many health issues for so long, took a turn literally overnight
(had no sleep, as I
stayed up with him all night long). He was part Border Collie, maybe part
Bernese Mountain dog
and maybe some retriever - and def. part human. We took him to the vet
immediately when they
opened on Wed morning - she treated him for an ear infection, but gently let
us know that she
suspected cancer. He was totally blind, she said (explained why he was
bumping into us & the
wall the night before), and she felt the source was something very serious.
He had also lost his
hearing some time before - to compensate, I was using touch to communicate &
comfort him.
When he'd have a particularly anxious night, he'd sit next to me & I'd pet
him nearly constantly
while I was at the computer, or would give him rub downs, gentle so as not
to aggrevate what
we thought was arthritis in is hind legs. I thought he was experiencing
canine cognitive dysfunction -
doggie dementia - since he was 12 1/2 yrs old, but it was much worse.
We (my son was w/me the whole time, thank heaven above, as I don't know how
I would have
handled it alone) took him home, and he was never able to stand up again,
despite his constantly
trying.
That evening, I had no choice but to make that horrible decision, since his
condition progressed
so rapidly - and he was suffering so much. At least my he's not suffering
anymore.
Anyone who has ever felt close to an animal of any kind - you know.
I know I'll be fine - it'll take some time, I'm sure. Tried to prepare
myself for this, for a couple of years
now, but you know, you just can't prepare for this, no matter what. You just
have to accept.
I'm having my time crying, off and on. Tomorrow I'll get up, take my Emma
and Sammy for a walk,
then after I make my moka pot of homeroast, I'll spend some time cuddling my
two guys (guy & gal,
actually), just like I did today - and I'll thank God he brought these two
in my life.
Then I'll try to get busy, which is a darn good medicine at times like this,
so I won't notice the pain in
my heart too much.
-- 
*"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "
Anatole France*
Homeroast mailing list
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7) From: Barbara Greenspon
Lynne, my heart breaks for you.  Your beloved memories will fill your heart as time goes on.  Shiloh will always be with you.  That doesn't "fix" anything, but its still a beautiful thing.
May you find joy in those memories.
Barbara
On Oct 8, 2010, at 11:29 PM, Lynne wrote:
<Snip>
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8) From: Hank Perkins
Lynne,
Sorry.  You are in my prayers. 
I offer the following. They are in a better place.  You miss them all but they are at peace.  As soon as your grief begins to pass focus your memories on the happy positive times not on the events of recent.  
Good Luck,
Hank 
On Oct 8, 2010, at 11:29 PM, Lynne  wrote:
<Snip>
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9) From: John and Emma
Lynne,
I feel for your losses. The last two years have been the worst of my life
with losses. I lost a son (one of our cats) two years ago who was only 10.
Our children are our cats and a lot of people don't understand how you can
get soooo attached to animals. I also lost my mom at 72 years old (she still
looked 50) two years ago and just lost my sister at 49 years old this year.
Sometimes the pain is overwhelming. I am sending every good wish I have your
way.
Thanks for sharing it, is helpful in the healing process.
John H.


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